a journal of my adventure back to college to finish my degree

 
Rhymes and Reasons

Tonight (this morning) it is foggy in Ancaster, Ontario. I stepped out to have a smoke and the balmy air took me by surprise. It took me back to Lookout Mountain where I first attended college. This sort of transportation is a unique property of fog. Foggy midnight is a kind of world between worlds for me. The atmosphere is heavy with water, and my mind is saturated with an enigmatic, immense wonderment.

In my spare time --if you wanted to know-- I do such things as read the dictionary. A fellow student asked me last week, "Egg nog... what exactly is 'nog' ?" I had to confess that I didn't know. This bothered me. So the next day I found myself squinting at the single volume OED at a reference table. Apparently, nog is a local term for a strong ale brewed in East Anglia (Norfolk, UK). The word's origin is unknown.

So, speaking of unknowns, standing in the fog, my heart became heavy with a sense of my limitations. I suppose such heaviness only plagues those who start out assuming unwarranted greatness for themselves (no shock to my friends). But there you have it. I want to be a great philosopher; the greatest of my age. And in this moment I am drawn to Christ's parable in Luke 19. In so many ways I have not been faithful in very little things. And yet I am drawn to Solomon's request for wisdom and God's promise in James 1.

So I ask again as before in faith for wisdom. And I take to heart that the Lord's strength is shown in man's weakness. And if ever I feel more secure about my abilities as a scholar, I will remember not to have confidence in the flesh or in letters after my name.
posted by Baus at 4:25 AM

 
A Rabbi, a Priest, and a Witch walk into a bar...

This past weekend I attended the annual conference for the American Academy of Religion. This is the major professional association for scholars in religious studies. The annual meeting is like a church retreat where everyone doubts God's existence. It was held at the convention center in Toronto. I met my friend Scott, from Harrisburg, and he very generously paid my registration fee and fed and housed me all weekend. We, and another friend, Michael (public school teacher and spiritual pilgrim), stayed in the Renaissance Hotel which is connected to the SkyDome near the CNtower. It was pretty cool.

I attended sessions of the Dietrich Bonhoeffer Society, the Institute for Biblical Research, and sessions on the Pauline Epistles, and "Non-Violent" Views of the Atonement. I ran into several people I knew, including Bryan Estelle, professor of Old Testament at Westminster-West. I had great discussions and ate great food. It was a real vacation. I wish life was an academic conference.

The infamous Jacques Derrida spoke at the conference... but I had to miss it. No biggie. I was happier to hear Sylvia Keesmaat.
posted by Baus at 4:19 PM

 
The Inevitable Blog

Eventually every blogger stops to reflect on the nature of blogging itself. It's the obligatory poem about poetry. We can't help it. In the very act you discover so much more than you can ever hope to make sense of... or some nonsense like that.

I've noticed that I blog an average of every ten to fifteen days. Not as frequently as I would like. But the fact is: my being conscious of friends and family as audience stifles the uninhibited flow of expression. I'm certainly not going to complain about my parents or siblings or say anything negative about friends... but it is quite possible that my experiences here result in critical reflection on the relationships that mean most to me. And aren't those the things that make for interesting blogs?

Now, you are not given license to suppose that I'm harboring ill feelings about any of you. That's not what I'm talking about.
I'm saying some of the things I would really like to blog about are simply too personal for a "non-anonymous" (nymous?) forum.
It's my excuse for less than fascinating posts.

That's all I'm gonna say about that.

In other news... I've discovered Li Po (Chinese poet, circa early-mid 700's).
I'm not going to post any links. You can do an internet search, surf, and find out about him for yourself.
Suffice it to say, I imagine he and I are kindred spirits.
Here is my poetic rendering of his well known "Yueh Hsia Tu Cho" from a word-for-word translation.

Drinking Alone

The blossoms are out
and a single jug of wine
and I drink alone
I got no friends here

So I raise the jug
and ask Mr. Moon to join me
and Shadow
That makes three

But, Moon, he doesn't know about wine
and Shadow just imitates my motions
to no avail
These are the only drinking buddies I got

Must make the most of this Spring
I'm singing
and Mr. Moon starts swaying
I do a little dance
and Shadow is all over the place

We were having fun earlier
Now these guys abandon me

We'll always have a loveless-friendship sort of connection
and I guess we'll meet again in that distant river of stars.

posted by Baus at 12:50 PM

 
Working-Class Hero

This week I interviewed with the Christian Labour Association of Canada. My first assignment is to establish a student "support-local" on campus. The intelligentsia are a crucial part of every revolution.

I'm also involved in filmfest, our student film club. There is a horrible lack of interest in real art among this homogenously "pop" student body. We'll see if we can't put a slight dent in the shallow machine.

Final papers are due in a month or so. Friends and family should feel free to send treats and/or cash... you could pray for me too, I guess.
posted by Baus at 5:19 PM

 
Life is Religion

On the 4th and 5th of October I attended a memorial academic conference in honor of H. Evan Runner. You can read my Crown article about it. It was wonderful to have met so many leaders in the Reformational movement, and to learn more about the life and work of Runner. At the conference I met Gideon Strauss and we are now colaborating on the online zine "Neocalvinism Today" (I recently posted a brief article mentioning my first Canadian Thanksgiving).

Although most of Runner's works are currently out of print or hard to find, a "Runner Legacy Committe" has been formed to remedy this unfortunate stituation.
Runner titles to search for are:
The Bible and the Life of the Christian
Scriptural Religion and Political Task
The Relation of the Bible to Learning
Promise and Deliverance (translator)
Hearing and Doing (festschrift)
Life is Religion (festschrift)
Here is Dr. Runner's memorial tribute to Herman Dooyeweerd.

In other news: I've found a pleasant pub to visit. I've only been into town twice, but I'm not suffering too badly from campus fever (yet).

We've just had our mid-term exams, and I'm confident I did well... except for French. But I won't let it get the better of me. In good neocalvinist fashion, I shall rule and subdue it.

I have also been attending the OPC services with Grace Covenant in Sheffield (about 30 minutes west of the university). Oddly enough they are all Dutch. But I'm enjoying their fellowship and hospitality tremendously.
posted by Baus at 7:20 PM

 
The Music Returns

I think I’m past all the transition, adjustment, and culture shock. Last night I fell asleep feeling giddy about being here and doing what I love best. The sunlight of an academic environment has even got the long lost creative juices flowing again. I had a song-writing dry spell for about seven years. But it seems the poetry and melodies have returned. Several nights ago I participated in the Student Activities monthly “talent show.” There are two or three students with whom I might form a folk-group. Perhaps it will include cello and/or piano (along side the standard guitars and vocals).

Here are recent lyrics about my running away to California in ‘99. It’s a dark tune, addressing the spiritual trial of those days.

Speak of the Devil

I packed my bags and I headed south
with a handrolled cigarette in mouth
the moon was thin and sickle sharp
but it still cast shadows in the dark

I spent two months at the river’s bend
feelin it be soon but wondrin when
the man who lives by the mountain cave
says not everyone can be saved

The wind blew east so I set out west
lookin for a town where my mind could rest
my horse broke down in Little Rock
a shaggy old crow cried “Ten O’Clock”

When these feet fell on the ocean sand
the sun sunk back to the Underland
I tried not to say his name out loud
talk about him and he’ll come around
posted by Baus at 10:49 AM

 
Philosopher With A Cause

Last week I got a 3 hour per week job with the Dooyeweerd Centre. I am a sort of personal assistant to the director, although she already has two official assistants. I am currently compiling a list of academic journals and periodicals, with contact info, relating to philosophy and law. The secretarial work itself is perhaps trivial, but I'm terribly pleased to be part of the cause. The dooyeweerdian --or more preferably "Reformational"-- approach to philosophy is one of the reasons I am here studying at Redeemer. I hope to continue with graduate studies at ICS.

Want to know more about my philosophical hero Herman Dooyeweerd? Here is a brief biography. Here is a brief and not-too-difficult-to-understand introduction to a "dooyeweerdian" approach to academics. Here is a slightly more elaborate introduction. And here is a website that explores and applies Dooyeweerd's philosophy even more extensively.
posted by Baus at 7:22 PM

 
Anniversaries

At the last minute I was offered space in the student paper to comment on the anniversary of 9/11. The article is brief, and does not flow well. But it does sum up my thinking on the matter. Do check out the rest of The Crown. You may also consider Howard Phillips' comments.

It is worth noting that today (Sunday sundown to Monday sundown) was the tenth day of the month of Tishri, the Abrahamic year 5763, formerly The Day of Atonement.
posted by Baus at 7:07 PM

 
Among the Children

I am 29 years old. This makes me about a decade older than most of my fellow students. Before coming here I worried that this would be a significant social obstacle. I worried that the students would find me strange and out of touch. I feared that they would consider me an outsider. However, this isn't quite how my age has presented a problem.

Instead, I am experiencing a sort of constant vague deja vu. The behavior I see and conversations I hear are all oddly familiar. I'm left with a general sense of "done that," and I find within myself an uncharacteristic lack of sympathy. After three weeks I'm bored with reliving this past stage of life. I want to be with my own kind --adults who are basically adjusted to the world, and going through the sort of things I'm going through. Life here is excitingly new for most of the students, and I'm just not feeling it.

There are infamously bad moments, when I am violently nauseated by the juvenile attitudes and behaviors (especially when directed towards me). But there are also more sanguine moments of reciprocity and mutual appreciation. For instance, a few guys in my dorm are turning 19, the age of majority in Canada. I take responsible Christian drinking fairly seriously. I consider it a privilege to induct younger men into the world of spirits, communicating my knowledge and appreciation of various beverages. But I need not elaborate on how such activity can go horribly wrong. There are few things more annoying than teenage drunks. (None among my dorm mates, thankfully).

I am still trying to comprehend the fact that a freshman co-ed recently complained that I tried to give her "cooties" (I had extended my hand to shake when we were introduced). What can one say to that? I will try to avoid bitterness and disillusionment, remaining self-critical. It is a sign of genuine maturity to not be unhinged by the immaturity of others. I'm still working on it.

posted by Baus at 6:35 PM

 
Goodbye, Hello

The last Thursday in August I went out for a final drink with one of my brothers and two good friends. My brother offerred a spontaneous good-bye speech, combining elements from Polonius and St. Paul. Parting is indeed sweet sorrow. Although I expect to see my friends and brother again before glory, it caused me to wonder about the nature of "farewells." How can they be bitter and sweet? Why is there such beauty in sadness?

With profound nostalgia I left home, and arrived at school in great anticipation. I settled into my dorm without a hitch, met many friendly students, and began classes. I'm taking French, Political Science, Social Philosophy, Poetry and Drama, and a Senior Interdisciplinary Seminar on Metaphor. We are busy with introductions and orientation, and I look forward to getting into the substance of the courses.
posted by Baus at 12:20 AM

 
Reflections on Work

Last night I was thinking about the kinds of jobs I’ve had over the years. Lawn maintenance, child care, house painting and repair, language teaching, dishwashing, food delivery, cooking, office assistance, elementary school teaching, off-set printing, used-book sales, political activism, and coffee-making, to name a few.

It is clear from certain Scriptures that --slave or free-- believers serve the Lord Jesus in their labor. This is a comforting thought, as it was often the only thing that seemed to give any significance to alienating and sisyphean employments. While work was an originally good creation, it was subjected to frustration in man’s rebellion and God’s curse. And nonetheless, God enables some to find an amount of enjoyment in their labor.

Over the years I have found precious little enjoyment in any work outside of academics. As I consider the current global economy and labor throughout world history, I must admit that scholarship is a genuine luxury. And now, at least for another year, I am permitted to engage in this one satisfying and luxurious task full-time. Thank God.
posted by Baus at 12:14 AM

 
Different This Time

At the party I was asked what I intend to do differently this time in college. I confessed to having a list. In many ways I'm in an advantageous position: returning to college with a bit more experience and maturity than when I entered the first time. So I count on making the most of this opportunity. Now, some things on my list are trivial (e.g. use fitness facilities) and others are more significant (e.g. modify my activism m.o.). Above all, the one thing I intend to do differently this time, whatever else I may do, is graduate.

I know there is an amount of justified skepticism among my friends. I'm not known for being an over-achiever or a march-to-the-beat sort of guy. I could really screw this up, and that would be sadder than sad. And no one, including my benefactor, would be sadder than me. I have a healthy fear of the consequences of irresponsibility here. So with the firm determination of all my religious zeal, I resolve to be a diligent student and graduate.

Ultimately speaking, the Almighty Himself --in "almost extraordinary" providence-- is sending me back to school. In that regard, I will "work out my graduation" with fear and trembling, relying on His enabling grace with perpetual and immense gratitude.
posted by Baus at 12:55 AM

 
Introduction

Tonight there is a birthday party for one of my housemates and a goodbye party for me. Several friends are coming in from out of town. In a week I'll be leaving for Redeemer Univeristy College to finish my undergrad degree in philosophy. That's the plan, D.V. On this site you will find posts on my progress.
posted by Baus at 11:34 AM